Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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