My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
