Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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