Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
