My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
