Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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