You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
