i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
