my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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