I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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