Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
