No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
