I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
