You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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