That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
