She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
