i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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