guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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