Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
