Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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