So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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