from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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