so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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