if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
