So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
