I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
