I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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