i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
