The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
