Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you will always have a special place in my vag
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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