Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
