Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
