Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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