I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
