Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
MIDGETS
????
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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