i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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