I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
