I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
