Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
