I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
