dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
