I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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