I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
