umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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