it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
