Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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