FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
