i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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