Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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