i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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