No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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